From the Companions' Questions to Building the Family: Pauses with Sūrat al-Baqarah

Occasion: Transcription of a khatira delivered after Fajr on 19 May 2022 Source: A transcription of a video khatira by Dr. Ahmed Abouseif — Watch the original video on YouTube

We meet Allah, blessed and exalted, every renewed morning with a set of blessed verses, of whose understanding and content we take up a part, and we ask Him, glorified be He, to give us insight into our faults and to open before us the doors of good and safety. And the place of this khatira is the words of Allah, blessed and exalted: ﴿يَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْخَمْرِ وَالْمَيْسِرِ قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ وَإِثْمُهُمَا أَكْبَرُ مِنْ نَفْعِهِمَا﴾ (They ask you about wine and gambling. Say: In them is great sin and [yet some] benefit for people; but their sin is greater than their benefit).^[1]

Submission is what distinguishes this community, hence the many questions

The Lord of the worlds, glorified be He, told us that submission to Him, the Mighty and Majestic, is what distinguishes the individuals of the Muḥammadan community from the nations that preceded it, and that the denial, the disputation, the stubbornness, the disbelief, the arrogance and the transgression that came from those before you must not be in you. And perhaps this is the direct reason behind these numerous questions from the Companions of the Prophet ﷺ; they ask him about the new moons, and about wine and gambling, and about what they should spend, and about menstruation, and about orphans. Allah the Exalted mentioned several questions on the tongues of the Companions in this blessed surah, among them: ﴿يَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْخَمْرِ﴾ (They ask you about wine).

And in the quarter before this we saw that Allah, blessed and exalted, told the Prophet ﷺ about the parties that would be between him and all those who differed over their methodology: ﴿كَانَ النَّاسُ أُمَّةً وَاحِدَةً فَبَعَثَ اللَّهُ النَّبِيِّينَ مُبَشِّرِينَ﴾ (Mankind was [one] single community; then Allah sent the prophets as bringers of good tidings). The verse told us about people who did not truly submit to the will of the Lord of the worlds, glorified be He, so their motive was abundance of wealth, that is, the purely material motive.

Wine and gambling: a material benefit accompanied by sin

Here the Muslim may face this question: we have heard ﴿إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَالَّذِينَ هَاجَرُوا وَجَاهَدُوا فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ أُولَٰئِكَ يَرْجُونَ رَحْمَتَ اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ﴾ (Indeed, those who have believed and those who have emigrated and fought in the cause of Allah — those expect the mercy of Allah; and Allah is Forgiving and Merciful), so what about the sources of money, and the sources of earning that are in our hands? So the question comes: they ask you about wine and gambling, and the Lord of the worlds, glorified be He, tells us with His words: ﴿قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ﴾ (Say: In them is great sin and [yet some] benefit for people).

And we have mentioned many times that Islam is a logical, realistic religion; it does not speak in the language of imagination but in the language of reality, speaking as the tongue of people speaks in the street. So if anyone looks at the liquor stores that we see before our eyes in the aisles and on the roads, he realizes that these are the owners of the major sources for earning money, taking it, storing it and saving it. So perhaps the Muslim's mouth waters over this great amount of money and he says: perhaps I may have a share of that. So Allah the Exalted acknowledges that in that there is truly a material benefit for many people, but this benefit is accompanied by sin before the Lord of the worlds, glorified be He.

And the verse before it tells us about people who hope for nothing but the mercy of Allah, blessed and exalted, and hope for nothing from this world more than to cross over to the will of the Lord of the worlds. And their gain in this worldly life lies in two main things: pleasing the Lord of the worlds, and developing the earth on which we live. So if there exists some means short of that among the ambitions of worldly life and its savings, we have no great share in it, for fear that we be exposed to something of the punishment of Allah, blessed and exalted, or His vengeance on the Day of Resurrection.

What do they spend? The surplus and the plurality of understandings

﴿وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَ قُلِ الْعَفْوَ﴾ (And they ask you what they should spend. Say: The surplus). And in the earlier verses, when they asked the Prophet ﷺ what they should spend, it was said: ﴿قُلْ مَا أَنفَقْتُم مِّنْ خَيْرٍ فَلِلْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالْأَقْرَبِينَ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ﴾ (Say: Whatever you spend of good is for parents and relatives and orphans and the needy). And after this detailed explanation in the previous verse, either what is meant by "the surplus" (al-ʿafw) is what your souls willingly let go in giving to those persons or to others, or it is the surplus of wealth with those whose souls are stingy, or it is what exceeds the need. And according to the understanding among the people of knowledge, what is meant differs.

And the remarkable thing is that this difference in understandings makes us better able to take in reality and to deal with it. So perhaps we see an opinion that says: the surplus is what exceeds the need; if the man spends on himself and his family from his income and there remains with him afterward an excess, then this excess is the surplus in his case, so in times of hardships and disasters we ask him to give out the surplus. And perhaps the surplus that his soul gives willingly is a part of that income and not all of it, so we ask him for this. And perhaps the surplus is what his soul let go of, even if a small amount. The point is that Allah, blessed and exalted, opened the door after He had specified, in the previous verse, the types of deserving recipients of these expenditures.

Orphans: reform is the aim of dealing with them

Then Allah, blessed and exalted, said: ﴿وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْيَتَامَىٰ قُلْ إِصْلَاحٌ لَّهُمْ خَيْرٌ﴾ (And they ask you about orphans. Say: Setting right for them is best). We agreed that the Muslim only aims at developing the earth, and that standing beside the weak is a main goal for bringing life to all societies, and hence this question came. So a person does not earn from an unlawful source of financing, and does not earn from exploiting a weak person; for that reason the verses came: they ask you about wine, and they ask you about orphans. And when Allah, blessed and exalted, answered, He answered with the starting point in dealing with them, which is the matter of reform: ﴿قُلْ إِصْلَاحٌ لَّهُمْ خَيْرٌ وَإِن تُخَالِطُوهُمْ فَإِخْوَانُكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ الْمُفْسِدَ مِنَ الْمُصْلِحِ﴾ (Say: Setting right for them is best. And if you mix your affairs with theirs, they are your brothers. And Allah knows the corrupter from the amender). As though the Lord of the worlds, glorified be He, wants to answer many souls that pretend before people that they are keen on the orphans' wealth and are in their service and work for their benefit, while their real purpose inside is not so, and we seek refuge in Allah.

From societal remedy to building the family

Then Allah, blessed and exalted, says: ﴿وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ﴾ (And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; and a believing slave woman is better than a polytheistic woman, even if she should please you. And do not marry [your women] to polytheistic men until they believe; and a believing slave is better than a polytheist). And we always ask each other: what is the link between this verse and what came before it? The earlier subjects speak about setting out for Hajj and detaching from the world and submission before the Lord of the worlds, and about the number of confrontations the Muslim will face in his life as he defends the truth, and about his refraining from taking what is unlawful whether from an unlawful source or from a person who may not be wronged. So what is the relation between this and that? We have moved from the stages of societal remedy in human dealings to another stage, which is the stage of family building.

And from the beginning the building of the family must be on purity and cleanness; a Muslim's seed ought not to be placed in a womb that associates partners with Allah, blessed and exalted, and the womb of a Muslim woman ought not to take in a seed that comes from a body that does not believe in Allah, blessed and exalted. Hence the prohibition for both parties: do not marry polytheistic women, and do not give [women] in marriage to polytheistic men.

And this guardianship (wilāyah) that guardians have over their daughters gives them the authority, or the ability, to say yes or no, with the expression of opinion that is required of the daughters in that. And someone may ask: why the matter of guardianship at all? And why is there a guardian for the woman? Is she not able to make the decision? Does she not have authority and dignity and a place? This is a subject we will take up later, but the feminine experience differs from the masculine experience, and each has its field and its domain. Hence the father who raised her and knows the nature of this girl has the right to choose from among the men those whose natures he knows, and to grasp the reality of what they have, and to discern the nature of this one entering his house: is he truthful or a liar, deceitful or sincere, and so on.

The point is that Allah, blessed and exalted, opened for us another door, the door of homes: how they are built and how they are to be. So from the beginning there is a prohibition shared between men and women: that the man not marry a polytheistic woman, and that the woman not marry a polytheistic man. Then an exception occurred afterward, mentioned in Sūrat al-Māʾidah, for men of faith to marry women of the People of the Book under the conditions mentioned there. And the matter also is not open as some imagine, that he meets a girl who works in the place and goes and marries her and sleeps with her on the grounds that she is "of the People of the Book"; there are conditions, among them chastity (iḥṣān) and others, but this comes in its own chapter and field, if Allah, blessed and exalted, wills.

Menstruation: the standards of dealing between spouses

And since the private relationship between man and woman is the most delicate relationship between them, and perhaps it is precisely the direct cause of the greatest number of problems that we find when we are exposed to reconciliation between wives and husbands, the Companions came to ask the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about this delicate state: they ask you about menstruation, what do we do in it? Can we keep away, can we come near? So the answer came from the Lord of the worlds, glorified be He: ﴿قُلْ هُوَ أَذًى فَاعْتَزِلُوا النِّسَاءَ فِي الْمَحِيضِ وَلَا تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَطْهُرْنَ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ﴾ (Say: It is harm, so keep away from wives during menstruation and do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you).

In this verse Allah, blessed and exalted, sets the standards of dealing between man and woman in these very delicate matters between a husband and his wife in their bed, in the lawful that Allah has made lawful, except for some periods of time in which harm can occur to both parties. So Allah says to both of them: stop until the woman regains her psychological and physical health, and until the man is kept away from any source of microbes, or what the people of medicine speak of in this field. Then Allah says: ﴿فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ﴾ (And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you). Glory be to Allah! As though the Lord of Might, glorified be He, does not want the man to meet his wife except when she is in the best of states and the greatest of conditions, and does not want the woman to receive her man when she is not prepared, psychologically or physically, to receive this person in this state.

Then He says: ﴿إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ﴾ (Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves. Your wives are a place of cultivation for you, so come to your place of cultivation). It is an opening of the door of enjoyment between the two parties in what is permissible for them, on condition that there be no dealing in the unlawful, such as the woman being approached from the rear, and we seek refuge in Allah, or that there be anything deviant in the dealing between them. And Allah the Exalted says: ﴿وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّكُم مُّلَاقُوهُ﴾ (And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him), but before that He says: ﴿وَقَدِّمُوا لِأَنفُسِكُمْ﴾ (and send [something] ahead for yourselves) — and these two words solve for us most of the problems of private relations between men and women — that the man send ahead for himself in the presence of his wife, and that the woman prepare herself to receive the man.

Controlling the word: oaths and the oath of abstention (īlāʾ)

Then Allah the Exalted said: ﴿وَلَا تَجْعَلُوا اللَّهَ عُرْضَةً لِّأَيْمَانِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوا وَتَتَّقُوا وَتُصْلِحُوا بَيْنَ النَّاسِ﴾ (And do not make Allah an object of your oaths, preventing you from doing righteousness and fearing Him and making peace among people). As though these private relationships may at times produce a kind of disagreement, and in some a kind of agreement, and suddenly the Lord of the worlds, glorified be He, commands not only self-control but also control of the word; He tells us that the words coming out of people's tongues must have their consequences reckoned. ﴿لَا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ اللَّهُ بِاللَّغْوِ فِي أَيْمَانِكُمْ وَلَٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا كَسَبَتْ قُلُوبُكُمْ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ﴾ (Allah does not impose blame upon you for what is unintentional in your oaths, but He imposes blame upon you for what your hearts have earned. And Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing).

And among these oaths is that the man swears to his wife that he will not have relations with her, so the Sharīʿah sets a limit for that; for the woman ought not to be held back to her harm, as will come to us in His words, the Exalted, ﴿وَلَا تُمْسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارًا﴾ (and do not hold them to their harm); so they are neither married nor divorced, and this is a state that does not please Allah, blessed and exalted. And here the address comes to many husbands who travel for long periods of time and leave their wives, and she does not know whether she is left hanging or married or divorced; she cannot enjoy her absent husband, and cannot turn to another man because that is forbidden to her, and cannot see herself as released and free to choose another man, nor is she obtaining the benefit required of marriage, which is a right of hers for which she is not to be blamed or reproached. And likewise many men are married with execution suspended; he wears himself out at work all day, until when he returns to his wife at the end of the night he sees that he cannot give her some of her right. This may be a passing state such as a day or two or ten, but if the state continues for months or years, the matter becomes unbearable for women.

Allah the Exalted says: ﴿لِّلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِن نِّسَائِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ﴾ (For those who swear not to have relations with their wives is a waiting of four months); that is, if this happens and you have sworn against your wife not to touch her, the Sharīʿah gives you a period of time, four months, in which you review yourself: ﴿فَإِن فَاءُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ وَإِنْ عَزَمُوا الطَّلَاقَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ﴾ (And if they return, then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. And if they decide on divorce, then indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing). That is, there is no other choice; the woman ought not to remain suspended like that for longer than this period.

The waiting period (ʿiddah) and the rulings of divorce

Then the verses begin to explain some rulings related to divorce, and the discussion moves to the ʿiddah: ﴿وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ اللَّهُ فِي أَرْحَامِهِنَّ﴾ (Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs). And as though the Lord of the worlds is telling me that this ʿiddah, which lasts three qurūʾ, or three menstrual cycles, or three months for one who does not menstruate, is a kind of clearing of the womb, and a kind of psychological rest and reassurance. And during the period of the ʿiddah, if the divorce is revocable, as you know, may Allah protect you, there is a stretch of time and an opportunity for both spouses to review the decision they made; perhaps things will return to their course after the devil has stirred up [strife] between the two parties.

Allah, blessed and exalted, says: ﴿وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ اللَّهُ فِي أَرْحَامِهِنَّ﴾ (and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs); that is, it is forbidden for the woman, if she realizes she is pregnant, not to tell her husband, and if she does not tell him, that is forbidden to her. Then He says: ﴿وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوا إِصْلَاحًا﴾ (and their husbands have more right to take them back in that [period] if they want reconciliation). And the matter of pregnancy widens the circle of the ʿiddah or narrows it; for if the ʿiddah in the normal case is three qurūʾ, then perhaps the woman is pregnant and her husband does not know, and she is of the kind whose belly does not grow much, so she did not tell him because life has a kind of anxiety or turmoil or instability. Here, if a divorce occurs, it is forbidden for her not to tell him of it. And perhaps her ʿiddah is to give birth after two or three days, and perhaps she is at the beginning of pregnancy so her ʿiddah is several months, until it reaches nine or eight or seven, depending on the case.

Then Allah, blessed and exalted, says in establishing the matter of divorce: ﴿الطَّلَاقُ مَرَّتَانِ فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ﴾ (Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment); that is, it is the man's right to divorce his wife twice and then take her back into his bond, but if he divorces her a third time there is no way for her to return to him unless she marries another man.

No bargaining over the woman's right

And after Allah forbade the man to take anything from his wife's right — for some men, when the woman wants a divorce, and he is in truth wronging her, say, in order to release her: relinquish everything — and this sentence in itself is forbidden if there is no wrongdoing on the wife's part. And if the man is the transgressor and the right is against him in the whole matter, or he is the one wishing for the divorce, then he ought not to bargain with his wife over her dowry or her belongings or her maintenance: ﴿وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَأْخُذُوا مِمَّا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ شَيْئًا إِلَّا أَن يَخَافَا أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ﴾ (And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself).

And in the case of the woman ransoming herself with what she leaves to her husband of money, this is what we call khulʿ, or what the Sharīʿah called khulʿ: that the woman free herself from her husband by relinquishing her dowry to him, or returning to him what he gave her.

The third divorce, and holding to cause harm

Then Allah, blessed and exalted, informs that if the divorce happens three times ﴿فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُ مِن بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُ﴾ (then she is not lawful to him afterward until she marries a husband other than him); she marries in a real marriage, that is, she marries and goes through a new experience of marriage that may succeed and may fail. If it fails and she realizes her mistake and that she should have been more patient, or he feels the loss and wants to take her back once more after she is divorced, there is no harm: ﴿فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يَتَرَاجَعَا﴾ (and if he divorces her, there is no blame upon the two of them for returning to each other). Because if she married another man she became forbidden to him, as Allah the Exalted said: ﴿وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ﴾ (And [also forbidden to you are] married women); for Allah, blessed and exalted, made for every man an inviolability among the people of his household, and made for every woman an inviolability when she is protected by a man, whether he is her husband or her father, so women have their inviolabilities, and men likewise have theirs.

Then Allah the Exalted said: ﴿وَإِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَبَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ سَرِّحُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارًا لِّتَعْتَدُوا﴾ (And when you divorce women and they have reached their term, either retain them in an acceptable manner or release them in an acceptable manner, and do not retain them to their harm so that you transgress). That is: do not leave the woman hanging, saying to her: you will not be divorced, and you will not leave, but you will stay like this — and in Egypt we say: «زي البيت الوقف» ("like an endowed house"), you are neither married nor divorced. And the scholars say: ﴿لَا تُمْسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارًا﴾ (do not retain them to their harm). And the address is either directed to the husbands who hold the women, or directed to the guardians: I have a daughter or I have a sister and I do not want to marry her except to whoever pays me more — not to whoever pays her, but to whoever pays me — so I strive at her expense. So if you come to marry my sister or my daughter I say to you: no, I will not give her to you until you pay me, so she becomes in exchange for this money. Or there is between me and some person a certain problem, a psychological or personal matter, so I do not give her to him even though the two want each other or he is a suitable match for her, so I refuse to marry her to this person only because there is a personal matter between me and him.

Allah, blessed and exalted, says: ﴿وَلَا تَتَّخِذُوا آيَاتِ اللَّهِ هُزُوًا وَاذْكُرُوا نِعْمَتَ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ﴾ (And do not take the verses of Allah in jest, and remember the favor of Allah upon you), then: ﴿وَإِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَبَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ أَن يَنكِحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَاضَوْا بَيْنَهُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴾ (And when you divorce women and they have reached their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves in an acceptable manner). That is, if the woman has gone through the second experience and then failed, and then wants to return to the first, then do not hold her back under the pretext that she will go back to her first husband. And you know that holding women takes various forms: among people is one who brings a lawsuit against her, and among people is one who takes from her, for example, a written financial document, and among people is one who has kept hold of a secret of hers, besides the other wrongs that happen with him.

And Allah, blessed and exalted, is Most High and Most Knowing. We ask Allah the Exalted for us and for you guidance, safety, well-being and security, and until a renewed meeting, by leave of the Lord of the worlds, we entrust you to Allah, and the peace of Allah be upon you, and His mercy and blessings.

--- ^[1]: Editor's documentation: The verses that occur in the khatira are from Sūrat al-Baqarah (verses 213, 215, 218 and 219–232), together with His words, the Exalted, ﴿وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ﴾ from Sūrat al-Nisāʾ, verse 24. In the body, only the portion the speaker uttered of each verse has been set down, and the verses he mentioned summarily have not been completed. In his saying "فأتوا حرثكم" ("so come to your place of cultivation") the body is limited to this portion of the verse (223).