Family Relations in the Prophet's Household

Occasion: A transcription of a lecture titled "Family Relations" delivered on 8 December 2016, part of a series of successive gatherings at the mosque, and a commentary on what was said the previous nightSource: A transcription of a video lecture by Dr. Ahmed Abouseif — Watch the original video on YouTube

The lecturer began with praise of Allah and prayers upon the Prophet ﷺ, then said: Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted, has entrusted us with life, and made its foundation the meeting of a man and a woman so that there comes out through them a generation bearing the name of its religion. And in order for a generation bearing the name of the religion to be raised, it must be raised in a suitable environment, so that it comes out psychologically complete, mentally complete and physically complete. And we are discussing the subject today as a commentary on what was said yesterday.

The Roots of Problems: Two Homes Colliding

Ninety percent of the problems that come to us, if not ninety-nine, when you say to the wife or the husband: Excuse me, let us calm down a little and then come back and talk together, and she begins to go back in memory little by little, you find that the problems all have their roots in the stage of childhood. She used to see her father treat her mother in a certain way, so she wants to play the same role, or she imagines that what her father used to do to her mother will be done to her. So from the first night she wants to "slaughter the cat for him," and he, naturally, is a man who does not submit to this, so she tries, and he practices his nature as a male. And it is not impossible for the matter to be mended. So we sit calming her down, until we say to her: The nature of the relationship between man and woman is such and such, and the basics of upbringing are such and such.

And on the opposite side, if we imagine the same scene: the brother, may Allah open the way for him, used to see his father, may Allah preserve him, as the commander of the situation, masha'Allah, filling the house not only with his presence but with his voice and his hands and his stick and everything. So he imagines that marriage is like this. So the moment someone's daughter comes to him, after she has been raised and her family toiled over her and taught her and so on, he wants to practice the same authoritarian role that his father, may Allah honor him, practiced, exactly and to the letter. So a clash happens between two different environments, and it is impossible for life to continue in this form.

The Prophet ﷺ and His Wives: No Violence and No Shouting

The Prophet ﷺ, when he married one of his wives and stayed with her three nights and wanted to move to some of his other wives, she said to him: Stay with me a week. So he said to her: «لو سبّعتُ لكِ لسبّعتُ لبقية النساء» ("If I were to give you seven, I would give seven to the rest of the women").^[1] So what do you think? Is there violence in these words? Is there a raised voice? Is there reason? We have not yet begun a new life! This is the basic principle: that a kind of dealing happens between the man and the woman by reason, by intellect, by kindness, by wisdom, by calm.

And I asked a question yesterday: Has a single report reached you, from among those that some people transmit, sound or weak or fabricated or otherwise, that the Prophet ﷺ was harsh with his wives? And mind this, our brothers, I am speaking from the very same side that we are all on: we are men, like one another.

And it appears from the lecturer's disjointed words in another place that ʿĀʾishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was speaking about Lady Khadījah, and this is a kind of backbiting; so the Prophet ﷺ objected to what she was doing and made clear to her that it was wrong, but he did not take vengeance for his own person.^[2] And he asked: Was she wrong in his right, or in her own right before Allah?

And our whole problem, our brothers, is that we take up the cause of our own persons. All the calamities that have happened in our homes are because of this: he says: This woman did not give me, this woman did not regard me; or she says: This man did not do, or did not say, or did not respect. All the problems are because of "I," or she too says: "I." So the word "I" and "I" sets the world ablaze inside the house, does it not?

But if we consider what we were talking about yesterday, which is the matter of seeking reward from Allah (iḥtisāb): that we marry for Allah, and live with our wife for Allah, and bring children into the world for Allah, and raise the kids for Allah, and bear patiently the harm from the other party. I am not saying that I will carry the whole matter on my head, and I am not saying that I will bear all the results and causes, but I have a share of the matter that I must bear. Again: we are alive; do we want to live happy or miserable? Happy, our brothers. And violence never brings forth happiness; it is impossible for violence to bring forth happiness. Enough violence with life, so when you enter your home, try to live some peace.

"Your Mother Was Jealous": The Story of the Dish

Let us look one time at our master the Prophet ﷺ in the ḥadīth narrated by Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who says: We were with the Prophet ﷺ when a servant boy came to him with a dish containing food, and when he entered with it, he had come from his lady, Ṣafiyyah, and when ʿĀʾishah (may Allah be pleased with her) looked at him she seized the vessel.^[3]

Pay attention with me for a moment. … So Lady ʿĀʾishah got up holding the vessel and threw it on the ground and broke it. And I ask your permission before we continue: imagine that a gift came to you from anyone, anyone at all, and your wife got up and said to you: Did I not tell you that I do not like this kind? Then she threw it on the ground, smashing it, and the world was turned upside down, and the thing fell on the ground, and the cooked food… So our master the Prophet ﷺ, what did he do? And before I continue I want to ask each one: What could you do in a situation like this?

So our master the Prophet ﷺ, in front of the young people who were present, said to them: «غارت أمكم، غارت أمكم، غارت أمكم» ("Your mother was jealous, your mother was jealous, your mother was jealous") three times. Why did he ﷺ say that? We do not know exactly, but we try to understand. The Prophet ﷺ wanted not to lower the standing of his wife in front of children who were watching a relationship between a man and his wife. We do not want to break their concepts while they are young; we want them to grow up understanding the relationship properly. "Your mother was jealous"; so he elevated her stature in the eyes of the little ones. And the little ones for the most part do not understand the implications of the term jealousy as required, especially between women and each other or between a man and his wife. But the word jealousy specifically was directed to his wife, to show her where the real fault lay and the reason from which the behavior set out: she did this, why? Because of jealousy. Fine, this jealousy will stay with you until when? You will remain jealous until when, and on what basis?

And Lady ʿĀʾishah (may Allah be pleased with her) looks at him and says: O Messenger of Allah, what is the expiation for what I did? And when we ask ourselves: Fine, what is the punishment? Pay attention, she has passed beyond the stage of apology; we at first say: Sorry, I am sorry, then: How do I fix what I spoiled? So she passed from the first stage to the second stage, because the two were on the same line of understanding. We do not want reproach in front of the little kids, so there is no room for apology in front of the little ones, so we move on to the stage in which we also teach the little ones that when he makes a mistake he makes expiation for his error, and pays the result of the calamity that occurred, and must fix it with his own hands. So the two of us are teaching even while we are in a small problem.

So our master the Prophet ﷺ says to her something very charming: «طعامٌ بطعام وإناءٌ بإناء» ("Food for food and a vessel for a vessel").^[4] Again: it is as though she is saying to him: What I have reproached myself with is enough, so please do not reproach me, and tell me what I can do to make expiation for my mistake. So he said to her: Food for food and a vessel for a vessel. And so far, have we seen any head broken or eye gouged? So far we have not seen in the report any violence in the treatment, even though the situation is not a light one.

Three Women and a Conference

There were three women, "if the report is sound, and the report is on the responsibility of its narrator," I told it to young men in Mesquite before, but one of the brothers was not present, so we tell it while we are going along in the car… Send blessings upon the Beloved. He says to you: There were three of them, and this one is an Egyptian, they said: They agreed at this women's conference not to do housework for three or four days and to watch their husbands' reactions. So the first, who is a "khawājaya," that is, an American or other, in the next meeting said: The first day I did nothing, and the second day I did nothing, and the third day I found him saying to me: I feel you are a little tired, come, let us have lunch out today. So he took me and treated me to lunch outside and pampered me to the utmost, then we returned home. And the second khawājaya came saying: The first day I did nothing, and the second day I did nothing, and the third day I found him get up of his own accord, take himself off to the kitchen, and begin finishing his work at ease and calming the world down, but he has not spoken to me until now. And our Egyptian came and said: The first day I did nothing, and the second day I did nothing, and the third day I began to see with the… right eye, in the utmost simplicity, and the audience laughed.^[5]

The Corrective Punishment

So up to now in the report we still do not see any violence in the treatment. So the Prophet ﷺ tells her the expiation for what she did: food for food and a vessel for a vessel. And is the matter of "a vessel for a vessel" easy or hard? It was made of clay, and what was its price? We can buy another, we buy another from anywhere, God willing. But the food, how do you make the like of it? We all know that Lady ʿĀʾishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was not good at cooking, and this was a point of jealousy for her; and this is her right, and it is not outside the bounds of humanity, rather it is natural in people. So how can she make the food? It is impossible to bring food like that food unless the maker is the same. So who will make it again? The one who made the first. So the apology is not to me; the apology is to the lady you wronged, so that she can make for you again.

So what do you think of this punishment? Calm or violent? Does it mend or spoil? Does it sustain the relationship or cut it? And if she had gone and told her father (may Allah be pleased with him) that such and such and such had happened, would he have come to reproach the husband and say: How did you do this to my daughter? Or would he laugh at this beautiful scene and say to his daughter: You erred in such and such and such and you must learn?

Our brothers, we have something called customs and traditions and principles. And I will relate to you a report so that we see how we complain about our women when they come to America and change.^[6] And one of them begins to say: It is not his right, and he has nothing against you, you put him in trouble, a protection order, and send him I do not know where. And this has happened, of course, while we sit in the mosques talking about these matters. Send blessings upon the Beloved.

The Ḥadīth of ʿUmar: A Culture That Moves

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Abū Bakr entered seeking permission to see the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and found people sitting at his door, none of them having been given permission. We picture the matter: at first many people had come to enter upon the Prophet ﷺ and none was given permission to enter upon him, so the people were sitting, where, our brothers? Sitting outside at the door. So Abū Bakr came and asked permission (and I tell you: you will know shortly), then ʿUmar came, and the people were sitting, and he found the matter strange, so he asked permission and was given permission, and found the Prophet ﷺ… I will ask your leave, but I postpone this point, and I tell the report that came before it. First, I made a mistake, excuse me, forgive me. Will you forgive me or not? Fine.

ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb says, may Allah the Exalted be pleased with him: «كنا معشر قريش نَغلب النساء، فلما قدمنا على الأنصار إذا قومٌ تغلبهم نساؤهم» ("We, the people of Quraysh, used to dominate women, but when we came to the Anṣār we found a people whose women dominated them"). Take heed of this. "We, the people of Quraysh, were a people who dominated women," I mean in the home: the man comes in from outside, and every kid looks for a hole to go into, one hides under the couch and one under the bed, until their father goes out the next day! Right, we used to dominate women. «فلما قدمنا المدينة قدمنا على قوم تغلبهم نساؤهم» ("When we came to Madinah we came to a people whose women dominated them"). And who rules in the country in which we live today? The harem, of course, is that not so? No, no, because she did not win the elections!

So he says, may Allah be pleased with him: «فطفِق نساؤنا يأخذن من أدب نساء الأنصار» ("Our women began to take from the manners of the Anṣār women"). They began to learn boldness toward men. So what do you think of this predicament? And the one who lived in the midst of all these people is our master the Prophet ﷺ. So did he issue a legislative law forbidding a woman to open her mouth while her husband is in the house? Did he issue a law preventing a woman from moving or walking about within the frame of the house while the master is inside, for example? But nothing of the sort ever happened at all.

Listen: «كنا معشر قريش نغلب النساء، فلما قدمنا على الأنصار إذا قومٌ تغلبهم نساؤهم، فطفق نساؤنا يأخذن من أدب نساء الأنصار» ("We, the people of Quraysh, used to dominate women, but when we came to the Anṣār we found a people whose women dominated them, and our women began to take from the manners of the Anṣār women"). He said: «فصخبتُ على امرأتي يومًا فراجعتني» ("One day I shouted at my wife and she talked back to me"). That is, our man is yelling at her and his voice is loud, so she said to him: Why are you yelling like this? He says: «فأنكرتُ أن تراجعني، قالت: ولِمَ تنكر أن أراجعك؟ فوالله إن أزواج النبي ﷺ ليراجعنه، وإن إحداهن لتَهجُره اليوم إلى الليل» ("I objected to her talking back to me. She said: Why do you object to my talking back to you? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet ﷺ talk back to him, and one of them may forsake him from morning till night"). He said: «فأفزعني ذلك، وقلتُ لها: قد خاب من فعل ذلك منهن» ("That alarmed me, and I said to her: Whichever of them did that has failed"). He said: «ثم جمعتُ عليّ ثيابي فنزلتُ حتى دخلتُ على حفصة، فقلتُ: أي حفصة، أتُغاضب إحداكن النبي ﷺ اليوم إلى الليل؟ قالت: نعم. قلتُ: قد خبتِ وخسرتِ، أفتأمنين أن يغضب الله لغضب رسوله ﷺ فتهلكي؟» ("Then I gathered my garments around me and went down until I entered upon Ḥafṣah, and said: O Ḥafṣah, does one of you vex the Prophet ﷺ from morning till night? She said: Yes. I said: You have failed and lost; are you safe from Allah being angry at the anger of His Messenger ﷺ so that you perish?") … to the end of the ḥadīth.

And the point: that the matter of the transfer of cultures is a very old matter, not present only today. So what you are worried about, do not imagine it is new; it has been there for a long time. So what is the means of salvation? The means of salvation is to follow the first model, upon whom the legislation came down.

And here is a rule with which we conclude: The woman is the woman, so do not try to change her at the root, and whoever has not yet married, let him know this and repent to Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted, from this obsession.^[7] And we tell them, and tell them, and tell them, and they insist, may Allah help them. Send blessings upon the Guide.

The Laughter That Set Off the Question of Maintenance

We return to the ḥadīth we mentioned at the beginning: Abū Bakr entered seeking permission to see the Prophet ﷺ and found the people at the door, so he asked permission… and found the Prophet ﷺ sitting with his wives around him while he was silent and downcast, a gathering with a psychological state that does not allow anyone to speak. And this downcastness is that you fear to say something that you imagine is right and it turns out wrong, and you imagine that if you stay silent it is better, instead of saying something that has no time and no place. So one of them said:^[8] I will say something to make the Prophet ﷺ laugh. He said to himself: I will say something of a joke so that the Prophet ﷺ laughs. So he said: O Messenger of Allah, if you had seen the daughter of Khārijah, she asked me for maintenance. Then the lecturer imagines her saying: Increase the allowance for us! Have you become a registered brand for years, giving us the monthly allowance of such an amount? Add something. Has your wife ever said to any of you one day: Add something to the allowance? So I got up to her and struck her neck, that is, I hit her on the neck. So the Prophet ﷺ laughed and said: «هنّ حولي كما ترى يسألنني النفقة» ("They are around me as you see, asking me for maintenance"). So Abū Bakr got up to ʿĀʾishah striking her neck, and in one report: to hit her, and ʿUmar got up to his daughter, and in one report: ʿUmar got up to Ḥafṣah, saying: You ask the Messenger of Allah for what he does not have?

And there is a difference between her trying to burden you beyond your capacity and her trying to obtain her basic needs. I know that our big problem is that we find our women spending a great deal on things that are unnecessary, but you must understand that the Lord of the worlds made the man the one in charge of the household because he is the one who has the ability to arrange priorities, and you must understand, may Allah honor you, that she is not informed of everything we have. So imagine that you toil and bring in money, and go to your work in the morning and work to earn the money, then at the end of the day you return, and because there is not complete trust between the two of you, you hide the basket of money outside, then you go in to her empty-handed and say to her: I have nothing. That is why you find some women turning out their husband's pockets when he comes in, and what is worse than this is that she… ^[9]

And I recall a story we told while in the car: A man says to the Shaykh: O Shaykh, I feel these two days that my wife, masha'Allah, her faith is very, very high, and I feel she is one of the righteous friends of Allah; by Allah the Almighty, O Shaykh, I wake from sleep and look around me and find a light rising from under the blanket, and her face is illuminated! The Shaykh said to him: How many times does this happen? He said to him: It comes for an hour… So he replied to him with words conveying that the light is not faith but her phone.^[10]

"And He Withdrew From Them for a Month"

They said: «فقلنا: والله لا نسأل رسول الله ﷺ شيئًا أبدًا ليس عنده» ("So we said: By Allah, we will never ask the Messenger of Allah ﷺ for something he does not have"). Then the Prophet ﷺ withdrew from them for a month, or twenty-nine days, then the verse was revealed: ﴿يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ إِن كُنتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا فَتَعَالَيْنَ أُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَأُسَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا﴾ (O Prophet, say to your wives: If you should desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and give you a gracious release).^[11]

And the problem is that we are not agreed with our wives on the principle that we all live for Allah. This concept is not present inside the homes, and the kids do not believe in it with us, so they are living for this world. And the bigger problem is that you too are living for this world. But if we were to return and pray together, and conclude the prayer together, and someone among us were to make a couple of supplications, and we were to review something together for the sake of Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted, and someone were to memorize two verses at home and you correct him (may Allah reward with good the people who received certificates today, may Allah bless everyone, O Lord of the worlds), if we were doing this, the people of the house would be attached to you in faith. So if you said to them: I do not have it, they would believe you. And if you said to them: We are in difficulty this time, they would believe, it seems, that the matter is in the hand of Allah. And if you said to them: We could take this five hundred or this hundred and have lunch with it at such-and-such a place outside, or your brothers in one of the mosques are in need, so we give to them, they would say to you: Yes, make it in the cause of Allah.

So imagine the difference between my creating a faith character in the home, and everyone in the home living for himself. And do not try to make your affection prefer you over themselves, for they will prefer themselves over you and your money and your future and everything. Why? Because the matter of faith is absent from the atmosphere. That is why we say that we must have an educational nurturing environment (muḥḍan tarbawī). Do you know this educational nurturing environment? Like the school we have.^[12]

Seven Reflections for a Calm Home

The first reflection: The sum of what we said yesterday and what we say today: that the Lord of the worlds, glory be to Him, the Exalted, has blessed every wife with a man who is in himself a blessing, and has blessed each one of us with a wife who is a blessing from Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted. One of our brothers was once speaking about gentleness to wives and treating them well, and about how, if you come back late, you do not wake her from sleep to make you food, and you should not be an oppressive man. So one of them said to him: O Shaykh, I come in at two in the morning and say to her: Get up and make me food, and if I get up hungry at night I do not go to the refrigerator by myself, but wake her to go and fetch for me from the refrigerator! He said to him: My brother, fear Allah! He said: O Shaykh, thank our Lord… Men are like roses… ^[13] So are we in a blessing or what?

Then a very simple question: one of us, of the people of the mosques, praise be to Allah, married to a woman even if she is somewhat rough in dealing, does he doubt at any moment that the door of his house might be opened while he is outside to some stranger? You cannot imagine it. Can you imagine that she might expose your daughter to temptation? No. Can your honor be lost with her? O Shaykh, what are you talking about, this talk is shameful to begin with! You consider it unthinkable to hear this. Honor and chastity and your dignity and your reputation, are they dearer to you, or the fact that she talked back to you, or that you said a word to her, or the glass was broken, or the plate fell, or the salt was increased? Man, the trivial talk you are speaking of. And the question simply: Are ninety-nine percent of our problems anything but this empty talk? By Allah, they are nothing but empty talk. Send blessings upon the Guide.

The second reflection: Know that you are the strong barrier against the collapse of the home, and that your intellect and your grasp of the dimensions of your life are your first way to settle disputes. Try to understand your wife, my brother, try to understand how to "charm her," try to understand how to enter by certain doors and quiet her. And not a word. Send blessings upon the Prophet.

The third reflection: Settling disputes with a loud voice increases the damage that comes to the home; it is like fire under the ashes, from outside it is ashes and we have gone quiet, but from inside it is boiling, and she will never forget it for you. She says to you: Do you remember in the year 1973, on a Wednesday, at 3:45, you shouted at me and said to me: Get out of the room? And do you remember that in the year 1947 you were asleep and I had not woken up, and you got up from sleep irritated and scowling and said to me: Did I not tell you I do not want to see your face? And you only said it twice in ten years! Shame on you, man, I have never seen a nice day with you! So if you settle disputes from the beginning with your calm mind and your wisdom, you extinguish the whole fire. And beware of making ashes over a fire that is under the ashes; beware of leaving it like that. Send blessings upon the Guide.

The fourth reflection: Your wife is a partner to you in your life, and not a maidservant of yours nor a slave girl. And likewise it is said to the wife: Your husband is like the head of the workplace, he gives you a direction and you follow it. And that does not mean that you are a slave and he is a master, no, but regard him as the manager at work, you say to him: If you please, and you treat him as you treat the big boss for you there. Send blessings upon the Guide. And every wife must understand that her husband is not a punishment from our Lord on her, and you too must understand that when you punish your wife you take sins, just as you take rewards if you treat her well.^[14]

The fifth reflection: Very simple things can change the décor of the home. For example: you come into the house and the living room is cluttered, and you say: Why is the living room cluttered like this? And she says to you: By Allah, the furniture is like this. So I say to you: No, if you bring the couch to this side and remove this from here and do such and such, and we try. Masha'Allah, it looks very beautiful! Know that the relationship between you and your wife is like this living room; if you please, rearrange the things in it: where is love, and where is tenderness, and when is anger, and how is criticism, and the way of dealing with situations, and how can we act when we have a problem. All of these are odds and ends piled on top of each other inside the wardrobe of your life. If you sat and organized and put the blouses on one side and the jalābiyyas on one side and the trousers on one side, you would find the wardrobe gets arranged and looks nice and you can take out of it what you want. And the style of life is exactly this. And just as the world is written before you on your desk, so you put the files on one side and the papers on one side and the numbers on one side, and in this way you find the world has been arranged, so too is the story in the home. Send blessings upon the Bearer of Glad Tidings and Warner.

The sixth reflection: Do not forget that the best men of this nation are best to whom? … I mean here and they fell silent! Masha'Allah, the Prophet is the one who said: The best men of this nation are the best of them to their women.^[15] The Prophet ﷺ says, boasting among them: «وأنا خيركم لأهلي» ("And I am the best of you to my family"). «خيركم خيركم لأهله» ("The best of you is the best of you to his family").

The seventh reflection: Do not forget that Satan lies in wait for homes, standing behind the curtain, for he does not want to leave your home calm, because everything that disgusts you in your home and disgusts your wife will bring out complicated children for society, who ruin the world, and the club of truth cannot reach them by any means.

The Children Are Watching

And do not forget also that the children (this is how it is understood from the context) are watching, even if from a hidden corner.^[16] And I tell you of something you do and bear the consequences of: if you have children, one older than another, instruct the older boy or girl to say to the rest of the little kids: What do you think, shall we imitate Dad and Mom? Then one of them gets up and says: I will imitate Dad, then stands like this: You, girl, in such-and-such a place, such and such. He imitates Dad! Imagine the matter: you find the boy imitating Dad. And this means that he is saturated with your personality and that he is following you, the teacher is following you by observation.

And the biggest problem is that you may be speaking on a topic and find your son answering you with partial information. So you say to him: Boy, where did you hear this talk? And he says to you: Yes, Dad, you were talking with Mom yesterday at such-and-such a place. The kids see you very well. So as much as you want to find from your children twenty years from now, so much must you be patient and plant in them from today. So let us review, and look at what is in our hands, and seek reward with Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted.

I ask Allah, Blessed and Exalted, to preserve for us and for you the affair of our homes, amen, and to inspire us with right guidance, and to preserve for us happiness, and to complete for us the landmarks of faith in our homes, and to make them homes secure through the remembrance of Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted, protected by the Book of Allah, Blessed and Exalted. And I ask Him to bless this mosque and its people and its attendees and those who run it and those who donate to it. May Allah reward you with good and bless you, may Allah keep you safe, and by Allah we love you for the sake of Allah, and we ask Allah, glory be to Him, the Exalted, that we be at your good opinion of us at all times. I ask Allah to bless us and you. The peace of Allah be upon you, and His mercy and blessings.

--- ^[1]: Editor's documentation: This resembles what came in the story of Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) in Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, but the lecturer did not name the wife; I have set down the words as he said them, and the lecturer mentioned that he stayed "three" nights and then she asked for a week. ^[2]: Editor's documentation: It was not heard clearly how the Prophet ﷺ alerted her; there appeared in the transcript garbled words («كزها», «فكسها»), so I confined myself to the fact that he made clear to her that what she was doing was wrong and that he did not take vengeance for himself. ^[3]: Editor's documentation: The origin of the story is in Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī from the ḥadīth of Anas, and in it is «غارت أمكم» ("Your mother was jealous"), but the reports differ in naming the owner of the dish, and the lecturer's naming here is what was heard in the transcript. As for the phrase «طعام بطعام وإناء بإناء» ("food for food and a vessel for a vessel"), it occurs in its wording in another report from ʿĀʾishah (may Allah be pleased with her) (see Sunan Abī Dāwūd), and the lecturer brought the phrase within the context of the report of Anas. ^[4]: Editor's documentation: In the transcript it is «ما كفرت ما صنعت», and what is meant, according to the context of the lecturer's explanation, is: what is the expiation for what I did. ^[5]: Editor's documentation: The ending of the joke is garbled in the transcript («بدأت أشوف بعين… اليمين»), so I set down what was heard and did not add to it. ^[6]: Editor's documentation: The phrases of this paragraph are garbled in the transcript; what is established of it is the lecturer's complaint about the change of some women when they come to America and the mention of "protection order," while the remaining details contain disorder, so I confined myself to what is established. ^[7]: Editor's documentation: The phrase «من الأخير اللي ما تجوزش يعرف كده ويتوب… من هذا الهاجس» is unclear in what it means in the transcript, and I did not add any meaning to it. ^[8]: Editor's documentation: The speaker is not named in the transcript; what is known is that the ḥadīth is in Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim from the ḥadīth of Jābir (may Allah be pleased with him) and in it are Abū Bakr and ʿUmar. ^[9]: Editor's documentation: The speech was cut off here because of disorder in the transcript («تقلم في التل…»), and the completion of the sentence did not become clear. ^[10]: Editor's documentation: The ending of this jest is garbled in the transcript; what is set down is what the context conveys, that the light's source is the phone. ^[11]: Editor's documentation: The verse is from Sūrat al-Aḥzāb (28), and its location is from the editor and not from the lecturer, and the lecturer mentioned the whole verse according to the transcript (in which is the word «صباحًا» and what has been set down is «سراحًا» according to the text of the verse). ^[12]: Editor's documentation: The lecturer here named a particular school supervised by one of those present and called for supporting it, so I removed the naming because it is a private announcement, and kept the general meaning. ^[13]: Editor's documentation: In the transcript, after his saying «احمدوا ربنا من جوزين الرجاله…», there is garbled speech that was not established. ^[14]: Editor's documentation: The phrase in the transcript («لما تعاقد مراتك بتاخد سيئات…») is garbled, and what is set down is the closest that the context conveys. ^[15]: Editor's documentation: What is known in the ḥadīth books is «خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي» (narrated by al-Tirmidhī and others), and the lecturer related the first part with the wording «خير رجال هذه الأمة خيرهم لنسائهم» according to the transcript. ^[16]: Editor's documentation: In the transcript there occurred «الشيطان يشاهدون», which does not fit the context, so I set down «the children» because everything after it concerns the observation of the children; it is an uncertain place.