Our Homes from Within: Marriage in the Qur'an

Occasion: Transcript of an Isha lecture delivered at Masjid Al-Ikhlas on April 17, 2026.Source: transcription of a recorded lecture by Dr. Ahmed Abouseif — watch the original video on YouTube

Note on the text: the automatic transcript of this lecture is badly damaged. Much of it is a repeated phrase and a good part of the English commentary is cut into fragments. Only what could be heard with confidence is set down here, and nothing has been added to fill the gaps.

He opened with the blessings upon the Prophet ﷺ and a supplication: «اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَ هَذِهِ اللَّيْلَةِ وَخَيْرَ مَا فِيهَا وَخَيْرَ مَا بَعْدَهَا، وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ رَبَّنَا مِنْ شَرِّ هَذِهِ اللَّيْلَةِ وَشَرِّ مَا فِيهَا وَشَرِّ مَا بَعْدَهَا. اللَّهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ لَنَا دِينَنَا وَدُنْيَانَا وَآخِرَتَنَا، وَهَيِّئْ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًا، وَبَارِكِ اللَّهُمَّ لَنَا فِيمَا رَزَقْتَنَا، وَقِنَا اللَّهُمَّ عَذَابَ النَّارِ. اللَّهُمَّ آمِينَ يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِينَ».

What did Allah say about marriage?

Then he put the question: what did Allah say about marriage as a matter? And he went to Sūrat al-Rūm. He recited the verse, and recited it again:

﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ﴾ [al-Rūm]

He also recited ﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَكُم مِّن تُرَابٍ﴾ and went on through further signs, ﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ خَلْقُ السَّمَاوَاتِ﴾, ﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ مَنَامُكُم بِاللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ﴾, ﴿يُرِيكُمُ الْبَرْقَ خَوْفًا وَطَمَعًا﴾ [al-Rūm],^[1] each time returning to the phrase at the heart of the marriage verse: ﴿وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً﴾, "He placed between you affection and mercy."

He then ran through the endings of those signs, one after another: for people who reflect, for those who know, for people who listen, for people who use their reason. And he turned the words over: the one who reflects, the one who knows, the one who hears, the one who reasons. The language of reflection on "the creation of the heavens and the earth" and of "those of understanding" came into the same passage.^[2]

Everyone is a shepherd

Then the ḥadīth of the Prophet ﷺ: «كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْؤُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ». "Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you is responsible for his flock." Then he spelled it out: «الرَّجُلُ فِي أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْؤُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالْمَرْأَةُ فِي بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا رَاعِيَةٌ وَهِيَ مَسْؤُولَةٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهَا». The man is a shepherd in his household and responsible for his flock, and the woman is a shepherd in her husband's house and responsible for her flock.^[3]

The English that follows is broken, but its direction is clear. It is about responsibility. As far as can be made out, he spoke of the part of the one who must cover and protect "as much as I can" while outside, and then of what happens once they enter the home, where the words "He placed between you affection and mercy" come back into his speech. Then he named a problem: being under pressure all the time, and asking for what the other cannot do. "She knows that he cannot do that, and she is still asking him to do that. This is the problem." The sentence before it, about crying and causing trouble over nothing, is too broken to rely on.

The Prophet's own household

He then turned to Sūrat al-Taḥrīm and recited:

﴿يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ لِمَ تُحَرِّمُ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَكَ ۖ تَبْتَغِي مَرْضَاتَ أَزْوَاجِكَ ۚ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ ۝ قَدْ فَرَضَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ تَحِلَّةَ أَيْمَانِكُمْ ۚ وَاللَّهُ مَوْلَاكُمْ ۖ وَهُوَ الْعَلِيمُ الْحَكِيمُ ۝ وَإِذْ أَسَرَّ النَّبِيُّ إِلَىٰ بَعْضِ أَزْوَاجِهِ حَدِيثًا﴾ [al-Taḥrīm]

He recalled the story of the honey: the Prophet ﷺ had been eating honey, his wives tried to make him (the rest of the sentence is lost), they did it, and the Prophet ﷺ said that he would never eat it again.^[4] Then he recited the rest of the third verse, ﴿عَرَّفَ بَعْضَهُ وَأَعْرَضَ عَن بَعْضٍ﴾.

Right after it, in English, he spoke in the first person in a passage that survives only in fragments: "I don't know what you are doing, but I don't like it." She starts explaining her position and telling me why she did it, but I will not be convinced by any reason; I start defending my idea, my opinion, giving more detail.^[5]

Then he recited the address that follows:

﴿إِن تَتُوبَا إِلَى اللَّهِ فَقَدْ صَغَتْ قُلُوبُكُمَا ۖ وَإِن تَظَاهَرَا عَلَيْهِ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ هُوَ مَوْلَاهُ وَجِبْرِيلُ وَصَالِحُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ۖ وَالْمَلَائِكَةُ بَعْدَ ذَٰلِكَ ظَهِيرٌ﴾ [al-Taḥrīm]

Then he said: "You are causing a problem, not for this person, but you are causing a problem for the..." and the sentence is lost.^[6]

Each looks only at his own side

In another fragmentary passage, about "a good partner", he said that she is not looking at hers while he looks at his, each only at his own. "Because of that, even when we come to the time of divorce, we find each one of them coming to say: where is my right? Each one taking advantage as much as he can."

Allah hears

He moved toward his conclusion with the opening of Sūrat al-Mujādilah:

﴿قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ﴾ [al-Mujādilah]

He closed with a supplication, asking Allah, as far as it can be read, to place the means between our hands and yours... The sentence breaks off there in the transcript.^[7]

--- ^[1]: Editor's documentation: the lecturer named only Sūrat al-Rūm; the surah names and verse numbers in the citations are the editor's (al-Rūm 21; 20 and 22–24 for the verses quoted next; al-Taḥrīm 1–3 and 4; al-Mujādilah 1). Where only the opening of a verse is quoted, that is as much as the transcript preserves; the heavy repetition makes it impossible to tell how much more he recited. ^[2]: Editor's documentation: the endings correspond to al-Rūm 21 (يَتَفَكَّرُونَ), 22 (لِلْعَالِمِينَ), 23 (يَسْمَعُونَ) and 24 (يَعْقِلُونَ). The phrases about the creation of the heavens and the earth and "those of understanding" recall Āl ʿImrān 190–191, but the transcript preserves only the words, so this identification is not certain. ^[3]: Editor's documentation: narrated by al-Bukhārī and Muslim from Ibn ʿUmar, may Allah be pleased with them both. ^[4]: Editor's documentation: the transcript gives only a broken English sentence about the honey, the wives and the Prophet's saying that he would not eat it again. The incident is reported in the two Ṣaḥīḥs from ʿĀʾishah, may Allah be pleased with her, as a reason for the revelation; the lecturer's own wording is kept to what is above. ^[5]: Editor's documentation: this passage is fragmentary in the transcript and is placed directly after the recitation of verse 3. Whether the lecturer meant it as a contrast with ﴿عَرَّفَ بَعْضَهُ وَأَعْرَضَ عَن بَعْضٍ﴾ is not stated in what survives. ^[6]: Editor's documentation: the lecturer's comments on these verses are largely lost. The transcript also has the word «عسى» after verse 4 with no continuation, so nothing is built on it. ^[7]: Editor's documentation: a remark about asking Allah for al-satr (concealment, covering) and the phrase «لا تردوا نعمة الله» also occur near the end of the transcript, but they are too broken to attribute any meaning to.